Yesterday was tragic. Nursing a hangover, “working” on Spanish and keeping a close eye on all the day’s football games, everything was going fine until:

Tom Brady got hurt! My fantasy football quarterback, the player I went out on a limb for and selected FIRST in the draft goes down with a knee injury. All is not well in Rob ‘N Roll fantasy football land.

Then came the VMA’s. Let’s get one thing straight, I do not legitimately watch the Video Music Awards, but they have provided me a source of great amusement in years past, be it Kanye West getting pissed because he never wins or Britney forgetting how to dance. Couple that with the fact that there have indeed been some great moments at past VMA’s, and it’s at least worth watching, although I do feel bad for skipping Mad Men.

But last night’s show was pure garbage. MTV continues to cement their name at the top of the “Killing America” list. Let’s analyze:

1. Host Russell Brand (don’t worry, nobody else knows who that is either) conducted a humorless – but not for lack of trying – show, trying everything from telling the crowd to vote for Obama to insulting the Jonas Brothers over and over again for wearing promise rings. He later apologized after someone called him out on it, which brings us to…

2. Manufactured controversy – Remember when Rage Against the Machine vocalist Zach de la Rocha climbed the scaffolding and refused to come down? Remember pretty much anything Courtney Love ever did on the show? That was REAL, that was legit, but now it’s all about fake controversy. Everybody and their mom knows that nothing seriously crazy is gonna go down, so it’s all about faking it.

3. T-Pain came down the red carpet on a mother freaking elephant. What do you say to that?

4. Ashlee Simpson may not be having a child, but a litter. What the hell did Pete Wentz put inside of her?

5. Lil Wayne is unclear regarding how to put on his pants.

6. Britney Spears won all three awards she was nominated for, marking the first time she has won any VMA’s. Yes, this was the VIDEO music awards, and this won. Give me a break.

You get the point. There was much worse, trust me, but that’s all I can stomach. If you’re brave, go to MTV and watch the performances. God bless you though if you do. God bless you.